To Retreat: Can You Stay in The Room?

Throughout my life, mostly in my early 20s, anything that didn't give me peace or made me uncomfortable, my instinct was to flee. And travel far, which I did. I ended any friendship or relationship that had a hint of a red flag. 

I'd say it wasn't until a few years ago where I realized, that way of thinking isn't helpful. It doesn't allow for humanness. And it takes time to work on your own shit and realize how much of your own trauma has shaped your perception and the way you receive things, even if it's good for you. 

If you don't feel safe within yourself, you won't feel safe with this person or situation. You won't be able to see the good. Your brain tends to seek out the dangers because it's used to surviving traumatic or chaotic situations. 

It's why people tend to fall back into chaotic relationships or situations even if it's toxic, it's familiar to them. It's a predictable chaos. 

I've learned what's harder is being able to stay in the room when every fiber of your being is saying to leave. (Not speaking about abusive situations). 

Being uncomfortable and having hard conversations is what people need to experience to gain clarity and perspective. The window of tolerance can only grow as long as you stay in the room. Maybe it's just a little bit longer than you did the last time. 

It's still growth. 

Pop psychology is teaching a lot of us to retreat rather than stay in the room. And in which, makes our resilience weak over time. You'll see more anxiety and depression as time goes on. 

Resilience is a muscle and it must be build upon.