Death Will Come For Us All, But Have You Lived?
It’s easy to get caught up in life and lose track of what matters. We do it all the time. We overwork ourselves, we overeat, we don’t exercise, we let stress become bigger than it should be and boom before you know it, the clock has run out. You wonder, if you’ve truly lived. Was all this worth it? Could you have lived differently?
Some of you may know or may not know, but my mom’s identical twin sister was diagnosed with glioblastoma about a year ago. She’s still here with us but she isn’t her. We get glimpses of the normal Franny every once in awhile. This has rocked my family to its core. It was very sudden and completely random. And it has punched me in the gut about life. What actually matters.
The last time I had someone close to me get sick or die was my grandpa when I was 16 years old and apart of my soul died that day. But I feel like I didn’t fully grasp the concept of death because I was so young. But my aunt’s illness is different. It feels so real and close, like I could reach out and grab it by the neck. I wish I could and tell it to fuck off, not this time, not her. This isn’t fair. She has so much more time.
But here I am working and going about my normal life because we have to keep going. I do feel guilty being able to do so many things while she is unable. It made me think of the times, where I lost so many friends back in my 20s in a few years time. I was going to funerals a couple times a year. And with that, I’ve always had this underlying push or motivation to live my life to its fullest potential. And I did to some degree, I got to live in a different country at 24 and travel around the world. I got to backpack through Europe for 2 months and meet so many cool people along the way. I wrote 2 books. I now work for myself full time, remotely.
And with those experiences, I’ve had a deep innate feeling that nothing matters but your health, the people in your life and how you show up for people. Money, jobs and material things don’t fucking matter. They just don’t. And I wish I could broadcast it to the world and everyone just magically gets it.
There’s a reason a woman who worked in palliative care wrote a book about the top 5 regrets of the dying, the same reasons are that common. Wishing you didn’t work so hard, not allowing yourself to be happier, not living a life true to oneself, not having the courage to express feelings, and losing touch with friends/relationships that mattered.
That’s it. It’s nothing grand or overcomplicated, but we humans seem to make it that way. I refuse to live my life with regret, and I think as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that can be hard to avoid sometimes. But even with the little regret that I have, I have learned to have peace with it. Can you be at peace where you are currently in your life it were all end tomorrow?
That question, motivates me and I know it can create anxiety in others. Not going to lie, my aunt’s illness has created a lot of anxiety for me. It has made me worry more about my aging parents because I am not ready for their time and pray I have them a hell of a lot longer with them. It makes me look at my husband and tell him, please don’t die. I need you with me forever. And my siblings to take care of themselves because I need them.
We know life isn’t forever, so why do we take it for granted? We hear it all the time, the stories of people realizing these simple truths when they receive a devastating health diagnosis. We need to realize this now, while we’re healthy and sound of mind.
I preach it to my family and friends (probably ad nauseam) to go heal the pain from your past, the thoughts and fears that keep you up at night. Book that trip you’ve always wanted to go on, but you’re upset no one will go with you. FUCK THEM. GO. That doctors appointment you keep putting off because you’re afraid of what the test results will come back as? Don’t be stupid, GO. Better to know and potentially get life saving treatment than not and have it be too late because you waited too long. That hobby or class you wanted to try or take on, do it. You know it will bring you the utmost joy.
Why do we torture ourselves with our pain and wait for others to give us permission to feel happiness? Maybe I’m naive and it’s too simple of a question that comes with very complex and nuanced answers. With that said, we can still benefit from trying to live the life we want to live, even in simple ways. Saying yes more to what brings us happiness and saying no more to things that don’t. Maybe take the class you’ve always wanted to take. That project that work just piled on you when you’re already drowning, maybe don’t say yes and see if you can delegate it to your team. It’s reaching out to people close to you for help, a shoulder to cry on or to vent. But even simpler, making sure you’re drinking enough water, eating properly and getting enough sleep. It’s listening to our bodies when it whispers before it screams.
Anything can happen at any time at any age. We are not entitled to age. It’s a privilege. And if that moment were to come to you today, would you say you’ve lived?
